Browngirl Speaks

I have been dealing with some major conflicting emotions lately, well…maybe not just lately. I battle the realist lying dormant inside me. I really need the realist to leave me altogether. I know everyone’s all about “keepin’ it real”, but for me, keepin’ it real meant a constant negative attitude and no peace. It’s a struggle to stay on this more positive road.

Most days I feel like I’m right on the cusp of something extraordinarily divine happening for my family. I cherish those moments of feeling so full and overwhelmed. And then there are other moments…

Yesterday, I had a small breakdown. I sobbed almost uncontrollably and it was something so small that set me off. It’s terribly hard to speak in the affirmative on what’s not really there. It’s disheartening to know your head and heart are in the right place, yet you struggle for even a mediocre lifestyle while those only concerned with self and, sometimes, malice thrive. It sucks to know you’ve done the work of ten men and receive no reward, but see those who do nothing have everything handed to them.

But what can you do? As Jill Scott sang: I Keep. I still speak my positive affirmations: I am blessed beyond measure. I have every need met. I have abundant peace. I still celebrate those who have success and good fortune…that actually deserve it. I keep believing that one day I’ll get to celebrate and bask in my own success and good fortune.

Ase

My bff and I have had numerous discussions regarding home schooling especially in the Black community. She’s a relatively new mom and doesn’t have plans to home school her little one, but always has encouraging words for my family’s doing so. I understand that for her, it may not be her calling to home school. However, she has pointed out that I should not see myself as a sacrificial lamb by making the choice to home school. By that I mean that I shouldn’t worry about the sacrifices made by our family with only one income. Also, that I’m not utilizing my talents and skills for more gainful prospects as my dad has mentioned a few times. My bff says that the real reason more Black folks don’t home school is not necessarily that they can’t afford to but, most likely, because they don’t want to give up things. Things that they value more than their children’s standard of education. And I’m sure this applicable to other groups, but even in my personal experience talking about home school with other Black families, it’s always “Oh, we can’t afford to do it.” An “aha!” moment.

Now to my point.

You might think that I would feel privileged anyway, since I get to stay home and not work. But, that’s not what I consider the privilege. Anyone can stay home and not work, but not everyone will take on the sole responsibility of educating their children. Are we “well off” financially? Hell nah! But I’m not focusing on sacrifices and have nots.

So, whatever your ethnic background is, do you view home schooling as a sacrifice or privilege? Either way, how so?

So much going on in my little microcosm these days…

I’m working for The Infinite Field Magazine. It’s a digital spiritual lifestyle magazine. The premiere issue is scheduled for August. Do not miss out on what this magazine has to offer.

I’m working on an African American History/Literature homeschool curriculum. This is a need I see unmet and have a passion for. I also think that my approach will be unique. Stay tuned.

I’m still hustling my tees. Mainly online as I don’t have the capital to pursue booths at conventions and whatnot.

Still homeschooling the kid, of course. Still reading, when I can. I’m always reading, just not always for pleasure.

When I need a break, I can be found on Facebook playing Uno. *wink*